Sakura's Talk Show
by WeirdAnimeChick
Summary: Sakura hosts a talk show containing a heated debate with Naruto and...Sasuke? This is going to be really random but enjoy anyways! Crackfic. WARNING; Language and implyed yaoi in later chapters. In the process of retyping. No Pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Sakura's Talk Show

Chapter: 1

Sub-Title: Opening Credits

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

"Welcome to 'Good Morning Konoha!' For all of you who haven't heard, today we are having a talk with two of Konoha's ambiguous friends: Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto." The host, Sakura sang out all-too-happily.

Naruto came out on stage waving and kissing to the screen. "That's right folks, starring me; future Hokage: Uzumaki Naruto!"

The pink-haired kunoichi hit the blonde on the crown of his head and shouted about how he wasn't the star of the show and that Sasuke would be co-starring with him. Naruto responded by rubbing his head soothingly and cooing out her name in both partial fear and pain.

"Now, while I beat some sense into Naruto, a word from our sponsors!" Sakura smiled sweetly at the camera until it cut to commercial.

**Commercial**

Temari was pushed onto the set by Kakashi who had tied her up for convenience. "I never agreed to this! I'll get my agen-"

Kakashi rudely shoved his hand over the feisty blonde's mouth. The copy-nin whispered something in the Sand-Siblings ear that made her eyes widen with excitement. She nodded her head in agreement before the Jounin released her.

"Spoons, spoons, they'll never rust, so use your spoons before they bust!" She sang before whipping around to face Kakashi. "Now where's my pie?"

**Show**

"Welcome back! Now you see we have all the members of our cast with us now." Sakura stated in her sweet voice while motioning to a tied up Sasuke sitting in a chair on the left, parallel to Naruto. "So let us start with what exactly you two think of each other."

After Sasuke's gag was untied he uncharacteristically yelled at any and all who would listen, "I never agreed to this! Get me away from that stupid dobe; I swear if you don't let me out of here I'll Katon this building to the ground!"

"The official opening statement from Sasuke has been made!" Sakura commented all too enthusiastically. "Leaving this show is now no longer an option. Naruto, what will you counter with now?"

"I object!" The Kyuubi-vessel called out, trying to beat Sasuke in yet another useless 'challenge'. "Sasuke is the dobe, not I and he's so emo on top of not being able to make up his mind on whether he's good or evil. Also, he never says more then five words at a time which means…_you're not Sasuke!_" It is here that Naruto decides to flail his arms and fall out of his seat, successfully recreating a visual of a seizure on camera.

Noticing that the audience has taken to staring gaumlessly at genin on the floor, the hostess tried to make a dive and save her ratings from plummeting further. "Naruto, not only can you see that it's Sasuke but that brings us to the end of our show."

"It's a clone, Sasuke's been replaced…" The blonde rambled on the floor, holding the stares of all the audience members in the studio.

"This is exactly the reason why I don't speak." The youngest Uchiha commented, scoffing and turning his head as much as he could away from the humiliating sight.

The kunoichi strode up towards the camera, stepping in between her two guests and her live audience, "This marks the end of today's show. Join us tomorrow at the same time and the same place to witness the continuation to this special!"

Just then, team 7's squad leader appeared beside her, reading his infamous book. "Actually, if they were to show up at the same time, the show would be over."

"Not…Sasuke…too many words…" Naruto continued faithfully.

"…Well!" Sakura chimed over the back round noise, "Join us tomorrow at the beginning of our show to see the next instalment of this saga!"

"I hate my life!" Sasuke exclaimed as his sanity whittled away.

"Oh God! Just end the show already!" He hostess cried in a vain attempt at salvaging her morning television spot.

Mercifully the screen started to fade to black in order to roll the credits. Unfortunately for Sakura they cut the audio a little too late; catching Sasuke shout profanities at the show, the cast and crew of said show and about his own life; before the credits appeared to replace the audio.

A/N: I don't know how I thought this was good when I posted it. Here's a better version of this crackfic. …Don't judge me on this please, I was young and naive.

This retype is just to make me feel better about my old flame-worthy blasphemy. Though I guess some parts were keepers according to my 4 reviewers. I thank you for those by the way!

Review if you feel so inclined.

-WAC


	2. THE DEBATE BEGINS!

HEY! sorry it took so long, but out of my high classy huge total of 3 storys this one is second best! so anywho despite the fact that i have absolutely no idea for this im gunna do it anyway! sorry i havent updated this in so long, well its a shorter time than The Konoha Konuichi. anywho on with the story!

but just incase you didnt know, this takes place when their Shippuuden, and yes Sasuke is a bigger hoe-bag in Shippuuden.

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Naruto

'moo' Sasuke talking

'_moo' Sakura _talking

'**moo' Naruto **talking

'moo' Kakashi talking

'**moo' other people** talking

(moo) mumbling

**CHAPTER TWO**

_"Hey, hey, hey! and welcome back to the show! im here, again, with Sasuke and Naruto! and i dont think that they're being sirtty little hoe-bags, we can start with the debate!"_

**"Ohayo! im Naruto Uzumaki! And im gunna start off with this debate! Dattebayo!"**

"Hn"

**"OK! so...here's my speech...What Sasuke is Gay-by Naruto Uzumaki"**

everyone sweat drops and rools their eyes at Naruto's story-like begining.

**"Sasuke will do anything to avoid fan girls. he doesnt acnoledge anyone but boys, and only if he has something "important" to say. it is a knowen fact that Sasuke Uchiha, has had a crush on Kakashi-sensei ever since he came through the door, and got hit on the head with a chalkboard eraser!"**

"YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!"

"Dobe i do not have a crush on Kakashi-kun...i mean sensei!"

"I roll my eyes at you Sasuke, i roll my eyes"

"BUT ITS TRUE! I HAVE A CRUSH ON TEMARI-KAWAII-CHAN!"

**"whaf da fuok!?" (thats Temari)**

_"your still eating pie Temari chan!?!?"_

Temari nodds sullenly

**"Wow, this is awkward" (thats Shikamaru)**

"What the hell!? When did you get here Shikamaru!?"

**"eh, had nothing better to do, so i came and was hiding in the shadows, you guys do realize that you look like complete losers right?"**

_"wow, this is awkward"_

**"thats what im sayin'" (its Shikamaru again)**

"Its time for a word from out sponcers!" 

"DAMN IT KAKASHI-KUN! WHY THE HELL, OR SHOULD I SAY, WHO THE HELL WOULD EVER SPONCER US!?"

"i make them up..."

everyonegapes open-mouthed at Kakashi, who was now in Gaara's sand coffin.

_"Come on better go get him out of there"_

**"Sakura, you do realize what you have to do, dont you?"**

Sakura just stares at him confused. And Shikamaru sighs, leaning in to whisper something in her ear.

_"I have to do WHAT!?" _

Shikamaru just noddes his head matter-of-factly.

Sakura's face blushes to a crimson colour, and tuns away mentally preparing herself. She than steps up to Gaara, Gaara settling down a bit, and was about to let Kakashi out of the Sand Coffin, after all he was getting better at breaking old habbits, but he woould have to learn how to break them quickly, after all he WAS going to be the Kazekage.

He sighed about to let him go, when someone spun him around and did something that made everyone gasp in surprise.

YA thats right im stopping there, hope im not chewed out by your reviews for this cliff hanger!

Anywho, sorry about everything thats wrong with this story, and perhaps mentally scarring those of weak imune systems...or whatever there called. anywho sorry about all the type-o's and errors, please just dismiss and use your common sence to figure it out. Oh and sorry for it being so short. Ja Ne for now!


	3. good morning Kankuro!

Warning: This chappy is kind of well IS a crack one

Disclaimer: I dont own Naruto if I did it would be all cracked up like this chapter!

No talking key…again.

Sakura turned Gaara around shoving into his face. First crashing into his lips and then passing through to his cavern of a mouth. Thus causing Gaara to gag a bit, letting go of his Sand Coffin and Kakashi in the process.

Gaara emitted a low growl from the back of his throat, as he glared at Sakura.

She laughed sheepishly lifting the newly opened cookie box up to about chest level. Then she thrust the box into Gaara's chest, he automatically grabbed it. Gaara looked down not really understanding why he was still holding the cookies still.

Sakura made sure that the cookies weren't going to fall before she took off back to the center of the stage. Her face was beet red.

"Well THAT was awkward!" she exclaimed to the camera, and the twitching audience.

"COOKIE!" Gaara's voice calls from off the camera.

Everyone, including the camera man, turned there heads (and camera's) to were Gaara was standing. And there he was, just standing there steadily eating cookies, chewing obediently.

Everyone blinks twice, than quickly looks away as Gaara smiles maniacally. (its better to not look him in the eyes when he gets hyper).

"FINE IGNOR ME THEN!" Kakashi yells from a pile of sand on the floor (but he's standing).

"you're not important enough to acknowledge!" Sakura spat back clearly annoyed at her idiotic teacher.

So Kakashi just went and sulked in a corner, pulling icha icha paradise out on the way.

"now that that's ov…" Sakura started, ready to get back into the normal swing of the show. Only to have Gaara cut her off by running so fast in front of her she was almost knocked over.

He ran up behind Temari (who was now on stage because she had noticed Gaara and had come to force him back and away from the show that he would surely destroy if given the chance) and hugged her from behind.

"Love you Tema-chan! Will YOU give me a cookie?" Gaara questioned looking up at her with big puppy dog eyes that just weren't his style.

"SAKURA! WHY'D YOU GIVE HIM THE COOKIES!? WHY THE COOKIES!?" Temari shrieked while pushing Gaara away from her than continuing to fend him off using her fan.

Kankuro swaggered into onto the stage, looking down at crow who was outside of his normal mummy wrappings.

"Yo, Temari where'd you put my gear? There's sand in Crow and I can…t…" Kankuro looked up from his puppet.

It was then that he noticed the turmoil that was on the stage, Kakashi; who was sulking in a corner, reading his icha icha paradise book, sand still clinging to his many different articles of ninja attire, and his hair, Temari; who was blowing her fan into Gaara's general direction, succeeding in knocking him back a few feet every time, Gaara; who wouldn't stop running towards her, seemingly to giver a hug and beg for more cookies, but was already to hyper to think to use his sand as a shield in order to get close to her, and Sakura; who was blindly running around to all area's of the stage trying to calm everyone down.

Kankuro chuckled to himself, _'what dobe's! wait…isn't this show about Naruto and Sasuke? Where are they?' _he scanned the room. _'found one'_ Kankuro thought as he noticed Sasuke sitting in the dead center of the stage, pouring his heart and soul into what looked like blueprints. Kankuro sighed and strode over to him, making sure to dodge all of the wind, random junk food that the audience had taken to throwing onto the stage, and Sakura who was running in every which way she felt necessary, no matter who was in the way.

Eventually Kankuro reached Sasuke, who was unaware of his presence, seeing as though he was so absorbed into his handy work. So Kankuro just peered over his shoulder. He smiled knowingly _'figured'_ He thought while shaking his head.

They were plans to kill Itachi, and not very good ones at that. Kankuro had taken the liberty of looking at a few of his "fool proof" plans. But this one, by far, was the worst. Sasuke was drawing out plans to suffocate Itachi with a chalk board eraser.

"oh but then what about Kisame? I'll have to kill him too, he's Itachi's partner and WILL try to stop me" Sasuke murmured to himself, drawing plans to drown Kisame in a nearby pond. Then there's always the mangekyo sharingan." He scratched out a side note to buy a pair of sunglasses for the occasion. (to block the mangekyo sharingan).

Kankuro sighed a "good luck with that" as he moved away from the tiny, obsessive teen. _'now where is Naru…to'_ he looked up to the walls (one of Naruto's favorite hang out spots) and found him near the top of the wall. He shifted Crow back into his mummy wrappings and swung him back onto him back, he would get the sand out later.

Naruto smiled evilly at Kankuro and mouthed 'Don't even think about stopping me!' before moving his hands into a very common position.

_'OH SHIT!'_ Kankuro thought as he dashed to the wall. But he didn't make it in time.

Naruto's voice echoed out through the entire stage "UTSU…UTSU…UTSU…"

Everyone had stopped and searched for Naruto, but he was no longer hard to find. There were about 100 more Naruto running around everywhere. Yes that's right Naruto had just used his Kage Bushin No Jutsu!

Note: That's the end…just wait until next chapter! Dont worry it'll be just as funny and spectacular!

Remember R&R if you want chapters up quicker!  
Ja Ne!  
-WAC


	4. Sasuke's song Goodnight Konoha!

Disclaimer: you know I dont own Naruto! You know or any other thing I use in this crazy fic.

Note: Sorry for the long wait…but here it is! The 3ed chapter to Sakura's Little Talk Show! Wow that title is stupid…if you have any new suggestions for the title just click that sweet little purple button at the bottom of the page and tell me :D ON WITH THE STORY!

All of the Naruto's gathered up into a little huddle and started chattering excitedly. The studio audience had stopped throwing junk food onto the stage and Choji had run in to clean up the mess. All Sakura could do is stand off to the side of the stage and have random body spasms. No one had any idea what the Naruto's were planning when all of a sudden what people thought must be the real Naruto jumped up to the front of the stage.

"Thank you for your patience!" he yelled, his voice carrying and echoing throughout the now silent studio. "And now I would like to dedicate this song to the lovely Uchiha prodigy; Uchiha Sasuke!" and with that all of the Naruto's jumped into rows and started to sing:

_**Ooooo deary me,  
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed,  
I tell him he should get up cause it's nearly half past three  
He can't be bothered cause he's high on THC.  
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea,  
I can't even see him cause the room is so smoky,  
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV,  
My baby brother Sasuke how I wish that you could see.**_

[Chorus  
Oooooo I only say it cause I care,  
So please can you stop pulling my hair.  
Now, now there's no need to swear,  
Please don't despair my dear Mon frere.

Ooooo Sasuke get up it's a brand new day,  
I just can sit back and watch you waste your life away  
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid.  
Get off your lazy arse,  
Sasuke please use your brain  
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray,  
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray,  
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,  
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?

[Chorus

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,  
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.  
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat,  
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.

[Chorus

Please don't despair  
Please don't despair  
Mon frere

"And that my friends is the song Alfie!…well Sasuke in this case." And the rest of the Naruto's poofed away as the real one bursts out in an uncontrollable laughing fit.

Sasuke, who now was equipped with a twitching problem, Walked over to the laughing blond and glared down at him hatefully. He didn't do weed. But as soon as he was about to pound on the childish ninja the crowed stood up and cheered like nothing else; giving the song a standing ovation.

Kankuro, who was now smashing his head into the back wall where Naruto had been perched before looked up. _'At least all hell didn't break loose'_ was what he thought as he walked over to the dumb struck Sasuke and the recovering Naruto who was attempting to stand up, but almost dragging Sasuke back to the ground with him. (he was using Sasuke as a leverage).

"Hey Naruto are you all right there?" Kankuro asked concerned, sure Sasuke was going to be mentally scarred for the rest of his life but her, Naruto was the one who saved his brother from being a psychotic killer for the rest of his life.

"Is he all right!? Is Naruto all right!? Of course he's all right! I'm the one who's gunna be more scarred than I was before thanks to that little messed up song of his!" Sasuke shouted at Kankuro, while turning to Naruto and trying to force the laughing blond off of him.

"Ya well stop being an ass-tard Sasuke! He probably just saved this show from total destruction and your reputation for being a stick in the mud know it all emo!" Kankuro shouted at Sasuke while pushing his back, causing him to fall over onto Naruto. "Ew…sorry Naruto."

Ya Sasuke had just fallen onto Naruto, but this time they're lips had collided like they had the day when they were put into three man cells.

All of the yaoi fangirls hoping to see something like this squealed as loud as they could and started chattering excitedly about how SasuNaru was the best ever. And after Sasuke pulled off of Naruto a few seconds later, finally realizing what had happened said "Damn…why me? Damn you Naruto…lets just hope that anyone who has no idea who you are and was watching this thought you were a girl." And with that he stood up and walked off the stage, blush present on his pale face.

Naruto blinked twice and sat up straight, his hands balled into fists at his sides, "DAMN IT SASUKE! I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A GIRL! AND GO TO HELL , AND STOP KISSING ME YOU GAY TEME!" He shouted after the retreating form of the stoic Uchiha.

Sakura then, figuring that this was the end of her career as a show host swayed over to the middle of the stage and spoke out to the crowd. "Sorry about that guys. But I think that this is the end of our debate." She coughed once than continued on, "and thank you for staying tuned on this now cracked show, so tune in next week…if there even is a show…and well have something new and just as entertaining. So I have two last things to say to you guys, one, obviously there was no debate, but Naruto seemed to win here…what he won…I don't know but still…he won. And two, don't be too depressed if it turns out that this show isn't gunna air anymore. So this is Sakura, signing off. GOODNIGHT KONOHA!" and with that she stalked off stage leaving Naruto to do his happy dance, dodging all the chaos still present on the stage.

Temari than ran past the screen yelling "DAMN IT GAARA! GET AWAY FROM ME!" and Gaara following after her.

Naruto was than shown happy dancing on the stage as the credits rolled up.

Note: Wow it kinda turned into crack didn't it? Well anyways hope you liked it. That's gunna be the last chapter. Our time together's been short but sweet and I hope you've enjoyed our time together. So please tell me what you think and check out some of my other story's I'm hoping you people will like them. So please hit the little purple button at the bottom of the page and review...it'll mean so much to me, I've hardly gotten any for this fic, but I still love you all like family. But Ya…this is me ending this fic for good…Ja Ne!

-WAC


	5. The beginning

**_IM DEDICATING THIS STORY TO MY FRIEND! HER NAME IS REILLY. THAT'S ALL IM GUNNA PUT. BUT REMEMBER THANK HER IF YOU READ ONE OF HER STORIES. SO IF OYU DO RIEVIEW AND THANK HER! WELL...YOU NOT GUNNA KNOW ITS HER SO I DONT KNOW BUT FIGURE OUT A WAY TO THANK HER IF POSSIBLE!_**

**OK so seeing as though I'm board and not many people have reviewed my last story, I'm starting a new one!!! So remember check out my other story and review if you want it to finish!!!**

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Naruto

'moo' Sasuke talking

'_moo' Sakura _thinking

'**moo' Naruto **talking

'moo' Kakashi talking

'**moo' other people** talking

(moo) mumbling

_**CHAPTER ONE…**_

'_Okay! For all you who don't know, today we are having a heated debate, with none other than SASUKE UCHIHA! (dirty little twat)…ehem…moving on…and NARUTO UZUMAKI!'_

'**That's right! You heard her folks! Starring me! hahaha!'**

'_I NEVER SAID STARRING NARUTO!'_ drop kicks him into a wall. _'now that that's over with we can hear a word from our sponsors!'_

'**WE NEVER SAID WE'D SPONSOR YOU! WHAT THE HELL!? LET GO OF ME!'** Temari screams at Kakashi as he pushes her onto the stage with Sakura's help. (she's tied up).

'if you do it we'll give you pie…and untie you'

'**Oh, Fine then…Spoon's Spoon's they'll never rust, so use your spoons before they bust.'** Temari "sings" in the tune of the bean's song.

'_Thank you Temari for that wonderful sentiment!'_

'**murh, amey ime.' **Temari says with a mouthful of pie. And now that she's untied…she leaves.

'that was 'sure any time' in pie talk.'

'_now lets start the debate with…'_ Sakura was cut off.

'What the hell!? I never agreed to this, I cant stand that dobe! Let alone understand his stupid logic in a debate!'

'_OH but Sasuke! You've already said more than 5 words, which is more than just a new record for you! It officially puts you in the debate!'_

'OH GAWD! THIS IS EXACTLY THE REASON WHY I DONT TALK!'

'_your rebuttal Naruto?'_

'**I UBJECT! SASUKE IS THE DOBE! AND HE'S AN EMO ICE CUBE! HE GETS TO SAY LESS THAN 5 WORDS…which means…YOUR NOT SASUKE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!? THE ICE CUBE HAS MELTED!'**

'_And this is exactly why we are out of time!'_

'**What the hell Naruto!? You can see that its Sasuke!'**

'_So join us tomorrow, same time, same place! To hear the beginning and end of this debate!'_

'**THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENCE! IF THEY COME AT THE SAME TIME THE SHOW WILL BE OVER!!!'**

'I HATE MY LIFE!'

'_we all hate it too Sasuke, so join us here tomorrow at the BEGINNING of our show to catch the ACTUAL debate.'_

'**Oh GOD! Just end the show already!!'**


End file.
